Heart swells in an instant at the thought of a love once known. Stomach drops at the realization of love unknown. My head is reeling at the thought of someone new. Confused and disturbed by the very thought of you. All the words spoken at intimate times that were caught in strands of hair to be heard again are now being washed down the drain. As I look at the remnants I remember them so sweetly but the pain is real and this tender sweetness is tainted with bitterness. I’m left feeling bare and cold, odd and I constantly search to find and answer that will never come. Once a beloved friend, passionate lover, kindred spirit to explore things unknown, now you are foreign a face I do not recognize. I close my eyes to try to match who I know and what I see. Confusion, shock, blows my mind. To think of once upon a time. Life goes on and you and I will never be. You made your choice I hope you fair from it, but please understand I will know nothing of it.
Ignorance is Bliss. You know… I mean when you learn something that means you have more responsibility for things. It means that you don’t have an opinion that may make you lose friends. It is definitely easier in some aspects. But one thing it is not is meaningful. I’d rather have a life of meaning than a life of bliss.
We all make mistakes. We are only human right? The problem is when we make mistakes over and over and do nothing about it. When we do not try to turn our lives around for the better for us and for the people around us. Still we have a chance to turn around again. This concept is called redemption. Without redemption we would all be lost.
Fingers bare and eyes faint. The screen is so very bright I am blinded to the rest. Why must one thing lead to another? And why must we do this to each other. So many questions but so few answers. So many answers but so few questions. So here, star crossed intellects meeting in one instant and realizing the laughter, tears, profanity and fears. Up and down they go as they ride out whatever they feel and have to come to terms with what is truth. Now and when, fully committed to understanding, understanding itself is the common goal, held over one another in an endless game only to come to a draw. 10 paces. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. BAM! Both fall to the ground injured in their own rights, both still left with their questions. Was it worth it? Was it all shit? Was there something more? Even a glimpse of something, anything? Time, a thief. Is this the only option? Time is now their partner. Time can heal. Time can free. Time can create something new. Left with only the scars to remember where they had been. Masticates are they, scientists alike poking and prodding and the tissue testing its boundaries and enjoying the sensation. Where will it go from here? Perhaps something to be reckoned with. Finger so bare and eyes faint. I look up from the screen and can see into the room. Seeing the ideas and thoughts of brilliant people past; comforts and shows me where I stand. Finally understanding.
These blueberries are too tart on this lonely night. I break my pearl necklace and throw it in to the pen.
Empty words of false passion pass back and forth through a tiny screen. Liking and loving, then again not, myself. HA! I’m my worst enemy.
I want better, the boy in tight shirts, with traveled shoes and a strong soul. Mountain man of my dreams his smile is so bright I my heart needs sunscreen.
Hear on these lonely nights I must find something to keep my mind from thinking to hard. Over stimulation from all sides. How can you be so many people at one time? No, I’m me. I’m me. I’m fine.
I don’t want to be bad hear on these lonely nights. I can sense a breakthrough. Where is it? I can sense it. Why does it hide? Is it close?
Even now, again back and forth. I know it will never satisfy, then why? Will I ever change? God! Help! I will come back from these lonely nights.